I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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