Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
