man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's shark week go big or go home
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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