I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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