sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
