My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
