There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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