He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
