I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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