Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
