So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
