just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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