Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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