There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
