Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
