The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
