I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
