my phone needs a breathalizer
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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