i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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