i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
