great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
