i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
