I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
