Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When are your genitals available?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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