dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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