I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
