After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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