I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He uses pillows to masturbate.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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