I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
