i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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