He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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