apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
