One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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