soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
