who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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