also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
