I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
