in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They have beer where we have blood.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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