you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
