A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have aggressive nipples.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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