Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
