I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
