I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
