the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
