Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
