I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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