i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
