Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
