It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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