girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
