you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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