I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
