hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
