So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
